Solitaire by Alice Oseman

For this i feel the need to put warnings: contains self-harm, dealing with mental health, violence, suicide attempt. 

I just want to say that this book made me feel nostalgic! As an 97's kid the amount of early 2000's pop culture references really brought me back to my childhood days! I found myself relating to the edgy teenage style, fighting over fictional character shipping and listening to Justin Timberlake. 

I was first introduced to Alice Oseman's work through Heartstopper, which is a very light hearted and fluffy romance. This book took me by surprise with a darker tone and more realistic depiction of youth and adolescence life. The story revolves Tori Spring who speaks about her experience as a pessimistic teenager in high school. In a way the book is almost like a journal, giving us a glimpse in the life of Charlie's beloved sister. Tori struggles with depression and seems almost apathetic as a character, expressing no true passions or interest in most things. She tends to lack trust in others and is very self-deprecating, as well as rude at times. Throughout the story we meet Tori's opposite, Michael Holden who is passionate about speed skating, often speaking in book quotes and very bubbly in nature.

The two meet in the computer classroom as they were lead by mysterious notes, scattered around the school hallways. A strange group by the name of Solitaire, just like the card game title, send cryptic messages and plan rebellious events against the school system. 

I definitely was interested in the mystery surrounding the Solitaire group, though what I truly adored were the characters, especially Michael. I felt i truly connected to Michael on a spiritual level, though Tori reminded me of my old self, struggling as a loner and pushing through depression. Some scenes were a bit hard to digest for me personally, but i definitely do believe that this book is important as it handles topics of mental health decently. 

If you've also read Heartstopper by chance than you'll understand how overjoyed I was with each Charlie and Nick scene, i simply love the two and I definitely think their dynamic in this version was really cute!

Michael and Tori as a duo are also iconic, and i honestly felt such warmth at how stubborn and caring Michael was, not wanting to give up on Tori despite her aversive and destructive habits. Though i will say i also appreciated Alice for pulling the line and avoiding pushing their relationship to toxic grounds. Despite how caring Michael was, realistically boundaries need to be set, as well as focusing our own mental health and safety. Tori did develop throughout the story and that truly made me feel proud and relieved. 

This is definitely not a typical romance story, nor is it sunshine and rainbows. It's bittersweet with a happy ending. 

What did i take from this story?

I definitely think that the important message this book conveys is, that no matter how dark and meaningless life might be, there is always something to hold onto or someone to push you up when you fall. It is important to chase opportunities and not let good people slip through our fingers, to battle with mental illness and seek help. The book also scratches the topic of school system and brings awareness to school oppressions, as well as negligence from staff who are tasked to keep students safe. 

I definitely feel that the author wrote the book to express herself within it, to keep it as a comfort and encouragement not to give up, to fight her own "inner-demons" and to remember to find appreciation even in small things, or loved ones who stay by our side and love us for who we are.

Rating: 🖤👓💻🎒